Joy and Gluttony

What the hell happened to yogurt?

March 13, 2014

Recently I visited Sainsbury’s with the intent to purchase some quality yogurt. This seemed like it would be a fairly straightforward venture. But, when faced with an imposing wall of fruity flavours, I began to realise that complications had somehow managed to surreptitiously slip into the seemingly banal world of fermented milk products.

Back in the days when I was eye level to the knees of many a grasshopper, there were two choices with yogurt.
1) Yogurt that tasted good.
2) Yogurt that was low fat.
I never dabbled with the latter, preferring a mouthful of delicious fruity delight. But, that fateful day at Sainsbury’s I discovered, much to my horror, that the latter is the grey squirrel of the dairy section and has taken over the former – who is of course, the once ubiquitous red squirrel – from floor to ceiling of the refrigerated section.


Why didn’t I notice earlier? Well, I don’t tend to do much supermarket shopping. I have a husband who harbours not-so-secret fantasies of being a chef, so I tend to let him run free in the wind when it comes to household gastronomy. While I’m also aware of the obesity epidemic assailing our shores at the present, it hasn’t really been doing battle with my arse, so I’m quite frankly a little bit ‘meh’ about that whole situation.

Essentially, it boiled down to me having to make a choice between my need for yogurt and my intense dislike for anything labelled low fat. I chose the yogurt. I ate the yogurt. It was good yogurt. What the hell has happened to the world? I have 3 possible scenarios:

1) This whole low fat thing is just marketing schtick
Everything is labelled with low fat because once, 5 years ago, someone with a clipboard noticed that a low fat yogurt brand had sold 7 more yogurts than their brand and all hell broke loose. What does low fat even mean? Low fat compared to what? Other yogurts? An elephant? A big mug of pure fat? I suppose I could try to find this out, but this isn’t investigative journalism, this is ranting on a blog.

2) We are living in some kind of Yogurt Utopia
Maybe the scientists have gotten together and discovered how to create the perfect, creamy, tasty yogurt of yore, with the low fat proviso demanded by today’s chubby consumer. Well, fuck. With so many bad things happening in the world, why weren’t we given the opportunity to celebrate this fantastic achievement? Find those scientists and give them a parade. Let’s spread a little yogurty joy throughout the world, even if it’s just for one day. I’m free next Tuesday.

3) I’ve developed Yogurt Based Stockholm Syndrome
Maybe we’ve been invaded and infiltrated so well by this low fat alternative that we just don’t remember how great the original regular fat yogurt was and have come to accept this newcomer as our own. Maybe one day I will unexpectedly happen across a yogurt of yesteryear and my head will explode in a multitude of tiny pieces as my taste buds collectively break out in an orgy of parties and joy jumping, having been reunited with their old friend.

I have no answers. Maybe more yogurt experimentation is required. Maybe.

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