Sometimes as a blogger you’re contacted by all manner of marketing/pr/business people. Sometimes these people are brilliant (you know who you are, lovely people). Other times, these people are a special kind of… agony. Yeah. These emails are emotional to read. So lets get emotional together. Coz I love you guys.
We have an amazing opportunity for you. It’s probably the best idea for a blog post that’s ever walked the face of the earth, and we’re only too happy to share it with you because the joy of participating in an opportunity like this will be major. (For you, I mean. We’re just doing this because the milk of human kindness is threatening to bubble over and explode, knocking our tits off if we don’t).
We really love all your posts about song lyrics. They just make our day. You are probably the best interpreter of song lyrics on the internet. That’s why we’d love you to do a post about the best fun you’ve had with your arsehole.
It can be a list post, maybe the top five amazing things you’ve done with your arsehole in the last 5 years, or even an aspirational post about the kinds of things you’d do on an ideal day of treating your arsehole to a good time. Just let your imagination go wild.
Of course, you’ll want to include a mention (and a website link!) of what you’d like to to do with our Pizzazz Prostate Tickler! It’s the best on the market, and no arsehole exploring blog post would be complete without two or three lengthy paragraphs explaining how great it is. Don’t worry about the fact you’ve never actually used one, you can just buy one from our online store if you’re really hung up on stuff like that.
We’re so excited to participate in the conversation once the post is up. We’ll even be sharing some of the best blogs on our social media channels, and we’re sure that yours will be one of them. Send us through a link to your post when it’s live, we are definitely looking forward to reading it.
This is most definitely not an insult to you, your blog, and every single piece of moral fibre in the universe. We just noticed that you’re hosting a free advertising platform over here and we feel it’s our right to take advantage of that, even though you’ve never heard of our company, used our product, or have any obvious link between what we do and what you blog about. Work for free, dammit. We command you.
Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a lot of other bloggers to email. Don’t worry, we won’t be offering any of them any proper incentive to write about us either, but we expect they’ll all do it because this is a fabulous opportunity for us to cut our advertising budget to £0 and still receive massive coverage. How could you resist?
The Somewhat Sinister PR Agency
Yes, this is based on emails I’ve actually gotten. Some details have been changed and arseholes added, not to protect the innocent, but to amplify the lolz. All about those lolz. Hyperbole rules. It’s probably the best thing ever.