Rants and Whimsy

Are selfies the worst thing ever?

December 16, 2014

Dragon Selfie-11


What, you wanted more from me? Ok, then. Demanding, aren’t you?

Apparently, according to some people at least, taking a selfie is the most self obsessed, self involved, self-centred, egocentric, ridiculous thing ever. Much worse than looking in a mirror. Much worse than handing a camera to a friend and getting them to take a photo of you. You’re pretty much telling the world that you think… you’re better than they are? You’re good looking? You’re experiencing a moment that you’d wish to record in a digital device and not just in your memory??? I don’t know exactly, but the people on Internet street are super fucking upset about it.

God forbid somebody plays a starring role in their own fucking life story and wants a catalogue of images in their phone (that you’ll probably never see) that actually include their face. God forbid someone wants a momento of that time the visited that super important place, or they were there to witness that monumental event. Or even, they were there 5 minutes later, a few blocks away, but they feel it’s important and want a record.

You know what is ok, though? Taking photos of people taking photos of themselves. That’s just fucking swell. Especially if you then upload those photos onto the internet to shame those strangers into thinking less of themselves. Fuck the sanctimonious prats who do that. Seriously.

If you’re standing two metres away from someone who you feel is acting inappropriately in a serious situation, maybe you could actually have a conversation with them about it. Ask them why they’re taking a photo. Maybe it is a very serious situation and they don’t quite know how to feel or act. Maybe they’re taking refuge in comforting, everyday behaviours. Maybe they’re overcome with emotion and the need to share with someone, which they can do right away thanks to the internet, and the most logical thing in their mind to do is send their mum a selfie because there are no words. Maybe they’re taking part in an eyelash treatment trial and are supposed to record the growth each day, and now the big interesting event has happened they figure they had better take the photo quickly before they cry all the damn mascara off. I don’t know. Neither do you because you didn’t ask.

Sometimes people don’t know how to react. Sometimes you get told that someone has died and your first thought is, “I’ve gotta finish mowing the lawns.” That actually happens. People need time to process and they do it in different ways. Sometimes you happen upon a scene and you don’t quite know what’s going on, but the large arrangement of fire trucks and police and high vis jackets stretching off into the distance is intriguing. Sanctimonious-selfie-tutter knows it’s intriguing as well, because they’re bloody standing there too, camera phone at the ready. So why are we judging the poor bastard who in a split second decision decided to take a damn selfie?

Who the hell decided anyway that we’re only allowed to record the happy moments? Why do we have to listen to this person? Last time I checked life is full of ups and downs and as you age you recall both kinds of events with great importance.

How about you just give us an exhaustive frigging list of the moments when selfies are and aren’t appropriate and what facial expressions we need to be wearing at all times. You can call it “The Sanctimonious Twat’s Guide To Not Being Judged On The Internet”. Or, I’ll just pack an oversized monk’s robe in my hand bag that I can whip out at a moment’s notice and throw it on every time a situation may be getting serious. That way no one can see my face, my pose, my bewilderment and judge them with three million of their closest Twitter friends. Sounds good.

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