Rants and Whimsy

5 things my husband does that would drive my father crazy

October 10, 2014

We’ve all heard women go on about how they like a ‘bad boy’. It’s not necessarily about criminal intentions or being treated badly, it can be more about wanting to do something that your parents wouldn’t approve of, however wild or tame that may be. This is especially true if you’re a teenager. Doing stuff and hanging out with people you know your parents wouldn’t like can have a thrill of independence and autonomy about it. You’re the one making decisions in your life, you’re not being bossed about anymore! Yeah! Sometimes this behaviour crosses over into adulthood, so it’s nice when you find a way to combine sensible decision making when it comes to choosing a long term partner with the joy of sticking one to the olds.

I myself am rather tame. Some would say boring. I don’t really go out of my way to make trouble for my parents anymore. Yet I still get a little inkling of glee when I see my husband partaking in behaviours that would drive my father insane. I don’t necessarily bring it up with either of them, but it’s been kind of invigorating, knowing that I’m living under an umbrella of possible disapproval without having to go the full hog and take on a part time managerial position in a crack den.

Really, it’s not the big, dramatic and wild acts that please me so much anymore. It’s the little everyday things, because I know those are the things that would get under my father’s skin and fester, causing a lingering disapproval. This is how I know I’m living my life the way I want to, by allowing these somewhat simplistic behaviours to go unnoticed,  even though they go against everything I was brought up to believe. Stuff like this:

 1. The margarine’s not level
So, you buy a pottle of margarine, sandwich spread, spreadable butter, whatever term you want to use. Back in my childhood home you had to keep it level and gradually the flat surface of margarine would move down the container as you used it. You couldn’t dig into the margarine and create big holes and crevices that weren’t tidy. My mother did this on occasion, and omigod the bitching and the moaning was immense. My husband does this as a matter of due course, without even realising that a smooth level of margarine usage is possible. To be fair I won’t contribute to margarine ditches, but I get a kick out of seeing them.

2. He leaves the fridge door open
Let’s be clear here, I’m not saying that my husband wanders into the kitchen, opens the fridge and then wanders off to work leaving it all open and ridiculous. He doesn’t. However, if he’s just bought groceries and he’s put them on the kitchen counter while he puts them away in the kitchen cupboards he’ll leave the door open for longer than my father would. Ie, if he’s walking across the kitchen to put milk and butter in the fridge, and when he gets there he remembers that he also bought cheese, he’ll leave the door open when he walks the two steps back to the bag to retrieve the cheese and put it in the fridge too. This would have caused a nuclear meltdown in my father’s house. Teeheehee.

3. He doesn’t have an egg system
Nope, my husband is very haphazard with his egg usage. He buys them, he uses them and he doesn’t think too much about it. Nothing bad seems to happen. However, when I was a child, I had to do egg duty after the trip to the supermarket. The eggs were kept in a special wire basket. I had to remove the old eggs from the basket and put them in a pile. Then the new eggs were lifted from the carton and put into the basket. Once the carton was empty the old eggs were allowed to be put back into the basket, but they had to be placed on top where they were most likely to be grabbed first, thus minimising the risk of a rotten egg. To this day I have never seen a rotten egg, despite my husband’s tendency to play ‘chicken’ with egg distribution.

4. The fridge is not organised
Ok, I’ll say it: my husband keeps a messy fridge. Not salmonella level messy, but if my father were to ever see it I’m sure he would refuse to eat anything prepared from it that wasn’t burnt to a crisp.

5. He’s not great with wires and plugs
So, you know how people tend to wind the plug wires tightly around electrical appliances when they’re not using them, and then get surprised when the wire breaks, the connection is lost and the thing stops working? I was brought up to treat wires with respect and not to fold them and wind them so tightly that they break right where the plug part meets the wire. This is the only thing on the list that I do whine at my husband about because it does make good sense. Look after your wires, and they’ll keep working for you. Still cracks me up that he does it, though.


See? I Am #Rebellious

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