Travelling and Poking About

Travel Link Up – Souvenirs – Penises

June 2, 2015


Hello, travel bloggers. This month’s link up theme is souvenirs. I am not the souvenir hound in my relationship, that honour goes to my husband who over the years has accumulated quite the array of tshirts, post cards and bric a brac with an international theme. There is one notable chink in my ‘don’t buy crap’ armour, however.

Years ago Mark and I went to Egypt. When you go to Egypt you sign up for activities like visiting the pyramids, the Sphinx, the Cairo Museum and seeing the Nile. We also toured around the Cairo markets with our lovely guide Mohammed to translate for us. I bought a whole heap of jewellery that I still love and wear to this day. Anyway, after you do all the stuff you want to do you get taken around to various perfume and carpet stores where they try and sell you a bunch of touristy crud.

At the perfume store my husband bought a nice bottle of Frankincense, because why should Jesus have all the fun? It’s still sitting mostly unused in my bathroom. The carpet place elicited polite smiles from us as Mark had already had one carpet confiscated on a previous overseas adventure. Another store owner, this time fashion, took it upon himself to wrap me in scarfs (some with bells on) and declare that I looked exactly like Shakira. Yeah, I don’t know what to do with that either.

It was the Papyrus shop that got me in the end. I was a newbie graphic designer at the time, and had recently fostered a hatred for the hideous typeface “Papyrus”. It had become a kind of running joke between Mark and I (one day I would even go on to write this blog about my level of hostility and revulsion). So I had to get a papyrus just for the lolz, you understand.

We spent an age painstakingly going through all the options available for purchase. Our patient salesmen sat with us, explaining the meaning and history behind each design. Possibly talking total bollocks, how would I know?!

Finally, I saw it. The design I had to have. The papyrus depicting circumcision in ancient Egypt. I don’t know how authentic it is and I don’t care. I just like it.

I like the fact that the hieroglyphics contain lots of snakes. I like the fact that it’s a communal circumcision ceremony and while one gentleman needs to be forcibly restrained, his friend is so pleased with the whole thing he likes to pat his cutter on the head. I also like the fact that it reminds me how much I like foreskins. What else is there to play with on a lazy Saturday morning?

It also raises a few important questions: Why do these guys have no body hair? Is there an earlier papyrus containing the body waxing ceremony? Why would you sit in that position to perform a fairly delicate surgery? That doesn’t seem particularly stable. Where did these guys get their glorious white nail polish? Definitely the best manicure in the ancient world.

I will probably never find out the answers to these questions, and that’s ok. I have a penis-based wall hanging and I definitely have zero buyers’ remorse.

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  • Tbf, you and Shakira are ONE AND THE SAME.

    And who WOULDN’T want a circumcision based papyrus hanging gloriously in one’s home? Excellent.


  • I’m not sure how this post wasn’t blocked by my work computer, it hates everything to do with genitals. Honestly I can’t even look up gynaecomastia (for work purposes of course) without a sorry you can’t access this because its classed as porn.

    I’d like to stop commenting with this quote.

    ‘I also like the fact that it reminds me how much I like foreskins. What else is there to play with on a lazy Saturday morning?’

    You are the strangest blogger friend I have. But I like you.

    • 1. Your work computer knows I’m awesome
      2. I’m gonna cave into temptation and Google gynaecomastia by the end of the day and regret it
      3. You love foreskins too. Admit it. They’re fun and squishy.

  • They do this to innocent babies in my religion 😉

    • Haha, I’m aware. The powers that be are trying to convert me, but my husband’s having none of it 😂

  • I hope it’s hung (the picture) in a suitably auspicious place in the toilet…. xxx

    • See, toilets are next to showers, and I’m a little worried about that as it’s actually on papyrus. We’ve never quite found the perfect position…

  • If it is indeed not an authentic styling I really like the idea that someone was like hmmmm how to get people to buy more papyrus and then knew that this would be a winner!

    • It was a wise business decision as far as I’m concerned.

  • Hahahahaha What a thing to collect!
    You’ve certainly beat my measly postcard collection.

    PS) Only just discovered your blog yesterday and already I love you.
    (but in that non-creepy way)

  • This is amazing. Simply, amazing.

  • I love that the snippers don’t have thighs, only shins and calves attached to knees and ankles. I wonder what position the surgeons of old sat in to perform the thighectomy? Yep, this papyrus definitely offers up more questions than answers.

    • Must be a tough life, having knees coming out of your nipples, being forced to cut dick all day 😂

  • adales8

    Didn’t you know? You can’t have a circumcision without a shit ton of snakes as witnesses. #truths

    • Thank you, oh wise one. I shall stop trying to cut bits off other peoples’ bits without the help of snakes…

  • I feel the same way about Papyrus. You’ve inspired me to update my long dormant Papyrus font in the wild blog with some sightings that have been in my camera for a while!

    • Oh god it’s just awful. The kerning! The kerning! 😉

  • Massive lol Frankie! I particularly like the patting on the head – for a job well done we should hope!

    • You do have to show appreciation for a quality circumcision. 😉

  • Tammy Paterson

    Hahaha I love this post and have shared with the girls in my office. Quite jealous of this wall hanging. Maybe the blue thing is actually a bottle of lube? Hence the pat on the head?

    • Thank you for shining your professional opinion light on this TimTams. Much appreciated x

  • I bloody love you! I was wondering about including a particular phallic item in my travel link-up post but now that you’ve paved the way by making your entire post about it, I think I’m allowed to!! Thanks Frankie.

    Polly xx
    Follow Your Sunshine

    • Always write about phallic objects. Rule number one for blogging. So excited for your post now! x

  • Frankie, I love you.

  • Hahaha…. this is hilarious!
    ‘I also like the fact that it reminds me how much I like foreskins. What else is there to play with on a lazy Saturday morning?’

    Great post 🙂

  • You definitely will always smile when you view your Papyrus. That is the sign of a good souvenir Lucy x

    • Good old happiness-inducing penises…. 😉

  • Shakira, Shakira 😉

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