Rants and Whimsy

This is not the blog you’re searching for…

December 29, 2014

As 2014 approaches its finale lots of bloggers are doing a end-of-year round up post – their most popular blogs, blogs that hit upon the zeitgeist of 2014, blogs that will always be remembered as the start of something big, that kind of thing.

I however have decided to do something a little different.

Instead of thanking my loyal followers and the assortment of weirdos who have deigned to put up with my typo-ridden nonsense, I’ve decided to do a shout out to the people who turned up here on accident. The ones who went to Mr Google with a very simple request, took a disastrously wrong turn and found the The Mayfairy instead. They’re probably still confused. Or angry. Or seeking medical attention.

Basically, I’ve gone through the search terms that led people to my blog and picked out a few of the more entertaining ones. These people may have had questions that I know could not have been answered by my blog. Some of these search terms actually raise more questions than could ever be answered. I will attempt to rectify what I can and poke fun at the rest. Here goes

“gordon ramsay affair truth”
I really don’t know much, but I know I had nothing to do with it. Hopefully you realised it’s actually 2014, dear reader, and found more current and interesting news items to squander your internet connection on.

“spotty face slut pics”
Oh great. My blog appears when this is entered into your search bar, huh? I hope like hell you were disappointed.

“statue of people have sex”
I can only wish that my blog was this interesting.

“what kind of surname is pantic”
Wikipedia says it’s Serbian. I have no idea why you chose The Mayfairy as your portal for genealogy questions and answers, but here’s to better decision making in 2015.

“what are the side effects of being a fairy”
I’ve never really considered it, but thank you for an excellent idea for a future blog post, kind Googler.

“cinderella lose rock next to fireplace”
Well….. she may have. But I don’t think it was a pivotal plot point. Seriously, you’re focusing on the wrong question here. Personally I think “if the shoe was so damn magic why did it fall off in the first place?” is a better query to take away from that tale.

“men kissing greeting london
Ok, I know which blog you landed on, but this is still hilarious. Clearly a terrified non-European about to head out and meet an English chap for the first time with no concept of how much saliva is the appropriate amount. Bless.

“fuck n bullshit”
Welcome home, friend. I think you’ve found your blog.

“plonker nose”
What did you call me?!

“pristine bright white structured bra”
Nope. Doesn’t exist. And if it does, it’s just for a small wrinkle in time before the shame of the beiging of the bra begins.

 

BONUS ROUND
I’m not the only blogger in this family. My husband has a drawing blog, largely comprised of signed celebrity sketches. The big thing I’ve learnt from the search terms leading to his blog is that if you are in any way mildly famous, there’s someone out there in internet land that wants to see you naked. No, really. Things to consider before your blog really takes off, huh?

Unfortunately, if you’re not on the A-list of celebrities it’s highly likely that no one has bothered to hack your iCloud account, or even to Photoshop your head onto someone else’s naked, thrusting body. So, when the lusty public decides to get a little more adventurous with their celebrity porn it’s Chicane Pictures they end up visiting, ultimately culminating in mega disappointment, methinks!

Here are a few of the dodgy search terms that ChicanePictures.com received:

“shappi khorsandi porn pics”
“sarah goldberg nude”
“sarah goldberg boobs”
“kacey ainsworth nude”
“lesley joseph nude”
“victor meldrew naked pictures”
“brooke shields nude”

Serioulsy. WTF.

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  • I would be especially proud of ‘Cinderella lose rock next to fireplace’.

  • This had me in hysterics!!! I love this post so much πŸ˜€ xx

  • LOL @ Welcome home, friend.

    • I’m just happy Google thinks of me when it comes to ‘fuck n bullshit’ πŸ˜‰

  • Brilliant!! I’ve had “thick thighs just us boys” come to my blog….no idea!! Ah the weirdos!

    Rosie xx

    • Jesus, do some people even know how to Google?! Do they ever actually find what they’re looking for? It’s a miracle they manage to find their computer in the morning.

  • Spotty face slut pics hey? Well I’ve just looked at mine to find “painful anal hair removal” surely Back, Sack and Crack is the proper search term? Ha whatever great post and Happy New Year x

    • I’m intrigued by the fact that your Googler needed it to be ‘painful’. Not just hair removal. Painful hair removal was necessary. Happy New Year! πŸ˜€

  • Wow! Who knew! These had me laughing my head off! Your comments just made this post! Have a happy new year! x

    http://theperksofmeg.blogspot.co.uk/

    • Hey, the world is full of weirdos. I’m just giving them publicity. Happy new year! x

  • OMG I am crying happy tears right now :’) x