Joy and Gluttony, London Love Story, Rants and Whimsy

Things I learnt at #ZomatoParty

July 14, 2015


Another week, another party. This time it was a Friday night shindig at Earlham Street Clubhouse in Covent Garden to celebrate Zomato’s seventh birthday. We all know that making mistakes in life is a good thing, as long as you learn something. Ergo, I can keep up the drunken debauchery as long as I keep publishing lists of things I learnt. That’s how this all works.

1. Sheepa has a blog called “Food That Makes You Smile“. This is wrong. I had always suspected this, but now it has been conclusively proven that her blog should in fact be called “Food That Makes Unicorns Fly Out Of Your Vagina With Orgasmic Bliss When You Eat It, Oh God, The Noms”. Not the catchiest of URLs, I grant you, but it’s honest. I had two pieces of her amazing cake, and half of Leanne‘s because she’s a lightweight. I even yelled at someone when they tried to fob me off with a piece from the middle of the cake which had no icing on it. Just no. I’m serious about cake, especially while drinking.

The-Mayfairy-Zomato-Party-Cake The-Mayfairy-Zomato-Party-Candles-Cake

2. Naming cocktails after shit that was awesome in the 90s is a fantastic idea. Hello, Cool Runnings. Get in my belly.

3. Longhurst is a difficult word for Japanese people to say. I don’t know what you’re going to do with this information, but my intuition tells me that if you hold this card close to your chest you shall prosper. (Thanks for the info, Erin!)

4. I say terrible things when I’m around Connie. I don’t know why, I just do. It’s ok though, because some of them are funny. (It’s not ok).

5. Speaking of Connie, she definitely put the ‘con’ in ‘reconnaissance mission’. As in, if you send her on one, she will come back with all the wrong information.


6. Alexandra‘s feet are sexier than yours. They’re all dressed up with full throttle lust and everything. Even when posed next to toilet paper on the floor, those shoes will make you pant.

7. Learning stuff while drunk is definitely beneficial. Do you know how to pronounce Mrija? I do. It’s like “Bridge-a” but you put an “M” at the front instead of a “B”. Why do I know that? She taught me, like two years ago, when I was drunk. Best memory retention trick ever. If only we could get it into schools. (May not be perfect pronunciation, but I’m doing better than a lot of people. So there.)

8. When its the end of the night, you’ve had many glasses of gin, vodka, wine and whatever they decided to put in that cocktail, you’re talking to someone and you’re 85% sure you know who they are, it’s kind of rude to ask them to verify that information halfway through the conversation. I was chatting to Michael and I thought it was him and then he was going on his usual bent complaining about the use of ‘slaw’ rather than ‘coleslaw’, when my drink addled brain started to wonder, “what if there’s two of them?! Maybe a whole army of cynics is crusading against slaw!” Nope. I just made a fool of myself yet again. In my defense it has been six months since I last saw him and I’ve had rather a lot to drink since then.

9. Amanda has some sort of secret compartment (I’m thinking a second stomach) that she keeps hidden with the cunning use of a high tech cloaking devise that stays activated at all times. Seriously. This girl eats ALL of the pizza, and I don’t believe for a second that it’s going down into her human stomach and being digested in the usual way whatsoever. She’s teeny tiny with shiny hair. Pizza doesn’t do that to people who ingest food in the normal way. I should know. I’ve spent many years just trying to make it work.


10. The ladies lavatories in Earlham Street Clubhouse is one of the many places in London where you can find a drunk squid egging you on for a fight. I say go for it, drunk squid. Especially if you come across the prat who grabbed my arse. Smack him for me, squiddy!


You Might Also Like

  • I blame the awesome names for how drunk I got last time I was at Earlham Street Clubhouse’s I simply couldn’t choose between my 90’s favourites so decided to drink them all!!

    • They all sounded amazing, it was a no risk choice!

  • Ahhh…I’m sorry to have missed the party with Sheepah’s nommy cake and OMG Alexandra’s shoes!!! Sounds like lots of fun πŸ™‚
    Lots of love,

    • So much fun. Maybe we could get Sheepa to make a shoe cake for us πŸ˜€

  • adales8

    I burn through all my calories being filled with rage that there isn’t more pizza for me to consume. Pizza meet your maker (it is me). Although, I did miss the consumption of cake, so that makes me sad. Alexandra was some sort of god in those shoes! It was awesome! x

    • If rage burnt calories there wouldn’t be any of me left! πŸ˜‰

  • I wish for you to attend every single party I go to from now on…That’s kind of creepy isn’t it? Yea…bit on the weird side if you actually did come to every party, especially as you wouldn’t know anyone, but you’d get to know them and then it wouldn’t be so weird! Plus I could arrange cake, probably not as good cake, but a definite mediocre to good cake. I think it’s worth it! πŸ˜€ Alice xx

    • If there is cake I will come. I’m never fussy about cake and always willing to meet other cake disciples πŸ˜€

  • When I saw those shoes, I thought, “Was Lady Gaga at this party? Holy F**k!” But no. It was just some epic friend of yours with more-than-epic balance. I applaud this woman. And, really? You can’t just casually toss out the fact that a cocktail called Cool Runnings exists and not 1) show me a picture of it, 2) tell me what’s in it, or 3) pour it down my throat.

    • Alexandra is pretty epic, but I know from experience shoes like that are far easier to walk in than they look. Also, I drank the cocktail. It was glorious. There was rum. It was in one of those red cups and didn’t photograph very well, but I didn’t care.

  • More slander. I must really get my legal team onto you.

    • Aren’t you your legal team? And I have witnesses, dammit! πŸ˜‰

      • Precisely. Hence the lack of progress hahaha

  • Hilarious! Such a funny read! πŸ‘πŸ»

  • You have a unique vision Frankie! A drunken squid egging you on for a fight, brilliant! I was so sorry to miss this but I didn’t want to inflict my lurgy on everyone

    Suze | LuxuryColumnist

    • Hey, the squid started it! Sorry not to see you, hope you’re feeling better πŸ™

  • Pahahahaha this is excellent!!! I’m gutted I didn’t stay longer to see this all in real-time action now. And I’m ESPECIALLY sad that I left without trying the cake.

    They’re just gonna have to make me a whole new one all to myself so I can try it. I feel like that’s fair.

    Little Miss Katy | UK Lifestyle Blog

  • Hehe, you certainly learn a lot when drunk don’t you young lady?! I saw Alexandra and Sheepa the next day and am happy to report back that they carried themselves across with grace and composure πŸ˜€ But as for those shoes, is it an optical illusion or is the heel sort of floating in air?

    • I haven’t worn those particular ones, but they look scarier than they feel if that makes sense!

  • Wow the cake, shoes and squid I really did miss a great night, you are quite the party pal I bet an evening is never dull Lucy x

  • This sounds like a great party – and as always an absolutely hysterical write up!

    Lauren xx | The Lifestyle Diaries

  • Oh holy mother, Sheepa’s cakes are mental!!

    • Sheepa needs to make more cakes. For us. And cheesy things for Flick. Sheepa rules.

  • Pingback: My travel contrasts #travellinkup | The Mayfairy()

  • Pingback: Looking back at 2015 | The Mayfairy()