London Love Story, Rants and Whimsy

Things I learnt at the Money Supermarket Epic House Party

June 27, 2015

Frankie Katie Flick 3

Welcome to The Mayfairy visits the Money Supermarket Epic House Party, also known as Katie-Brennan-Gets-Me-Really-Very-Drunk-Part-Three-Is-She-Trying-To-Sleep-With-Me-Or-Is-She-Just-On-A-Crusade-Against-Sobriety? If you missed parts one and two, catch up and sort your life out.

Now, in reality it wasn’t just Katie trying to get me drunk. Much of this was Flick’s fault. And Steph stood idly by and watched it all happen without getting all messy coz she’s a professional. I will assume absolutely none of the blame myself, for I was drunk. How could I know what was going on? But somehow I managed to acquire the following lessons from a hard, hard night and an even harder morning.

1. Five glasses of wine in one evening is not a good idea. I already I had suspicions about three glasses of wine, so I’m not sure why I pushed it to five. The research has come back, though, and the conclusions are definite. Don’t do it.

The-Mayfairy-Money-Supermarket-Mamas-Jerk-2 The-Mayfairy-Money-Supermarket-Mamas-Jerk-1

2. Mama’s Jerk Chicken is fucking fabulous. Eat as much as you can, you never know when five glasses of wine are going to be foisted upon you.

3. When Rosie invites you to a party on a boat, there might not actually be a boat involved. Or a river, lake, large body of water, or any kind of liquid. Except wine. There will be a large body of wine and I will apparently drink all of it.

The-Mayfairy-Money-Supermarket-Katy-Katie

4. Sometimes Katy wins a bottle of Prosecco. Sometimes in a slightly tipsy stupor she’ll say something silly like “I don’t know what I’m going to do with this”.Β  Yelling “Well you could stick it in your fucking vagina or you could just drink it” helps no one and is probably rather offensive. I’m sorry Katy. Please know it wasn’t really my fault, Flick got me drunk. Though I’m willing to bet you did take my rather good advice and drink it in the end, instead of inserting it into your vagina.

Realistically, I know you probably wouldn’t tell me if you did. We’re not really close enough yet to be swapping vagina tales, but please don’t feel like you can’t. This is a judgment free zone…. however it’s not an awkward free zone and this has gotten slightly weird. I’m going to Google puppies until point five makes an appearance…

The-Mayfairy-Money-Supermarket-DJ

5. When I was about 17 there was a guy who my friend vaguely liked. He’d turn up at a lot of the same parties that we would. One time we saw him dancing and we were sober enough to take note. He was very tall, gangly (well over 6 feet) and he would stand completely still looking up off into the distance with a melancholy expression while circling his hands around in horizontal spheres in front of him. This was bloody bizarre. From this point on us girlfriends all danced like this and hysterics ensued.

However, no one who knows this history lives in Britain. Why I decided to resurrect these somewhat dodgy dance moves in a room full of professional folks with cameras for absolutely no comedic value, I don’t know. But I do know not to do it again.

6. If you are the lovely food blogger who has spoken to me at two events now (the first being Tug) I’m very sorry but I have no idea who you are. Now, please don’t take this as an insult. I was drunk, remember, and it was the end of the evening. Also, I do know that I knew who you were at the time, because I was excited to meet you and I remember the feeling of “oh it’s that person”. It’s just that the actual memory of your identity somehow got squished out of my brain in all the excitement. Probably to make room for more wine.

I think the word “fancy” might be in your blog title. If this is you, please let me know who you are so I can be nicer to you. I hope I didn’t say anything to offend you, because I really don’t know what what we were talking about but I had positive feelings at the time. If I was a dick, please feel free to blame Flick.

Frankie Katie Flick 5

7. Photo booths are awesome. Especially ones with hats that look like fish. Telling random photo booth guy that he should make more of an effort to be in all of the photos is not so awesome. He’s working, Frankie, and you’re annoying.

8. Sometimes a friend has sex, and we all have to jump around the room in celebration. Not while they’re doing it, of course. After the fact, during the sharing circle.

9. Starting a conversation about pubic hair is never a bad idea. You learn a lot and you feel accepted and at one with the universe. Wine may also help with this.

The-Mayfairy-Money-Supermarket-Icecream The-Mayfairy-Money-Supermarket-Sol-Beer

10. Beer pong is fun to watch. Wine is easy to spill. These two things go hand in hand.

11. If someone is wearing ridiculously awesome shoes and that person is originally from the same country as you, it’s fine to take a little bit of credit for their fashion prowess even though you feel none of their pain. Sorry Steph, I think I stole some of your glory.

12. My breasts are an excellent conversation starter.

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  • I feel hungover again just reading this post. Or maybe I am actually hungover. I take zero responsibility for your wine state, but I take full credit for getting you home in one piece.

    You’re welcome.

    • I have no idea how I made it home. Considering you kept befriending strange men on the walk to the station, it’s a bloody miracle. πŸ˜€

  • I REGRET NOTHING

  • This post is hilarious!!

    • Thank you. It’s probably just the wine.

  • So this is what missed gutted, I arrived early and still suffering from awful morning sickness (why they call it this I have no idea), should be all day sickness. The smell of jerk chicken set us off and the rest of the night was history. Glad that you all lived it up looks like you had great fun, who would have thought sex, pubic hair and boobs could make for such great conversations Lucy x

    • Oh no! Sorry you had to leave… actually those three topics are pretty much all I blog about… (with a bit of food thrown in for colour) πŸ˜€

  • This is EXACTLY what an epic party should look like! Sounds bloody incredible πŸ™‚ Alice xx

    http://Www.woodenwindowsills.co.uk

  • Looks like you had a memorable evening! As for 5 glasses of wine, small ones I can cope with, large and I’d also have the hangover from hell

    Suze | LuxuryColumnist

  • I have a growing suspicion that your gangly friend who stood gazing into the distance on the dance floor is actually John Keats. Or Batman.

    • No, just a twat. There are more stories about him. They may come out one day XD

  • Gabrielle

    The ice cream looks delicious, that is all.

    No but seriously, I enjoyed this post! I’ve never been drunk and so reading about your antics was a lot of fun! I hope you find the food blogger you’ve bumped into a couple of times now πŸ™‚

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice

    x

    • Don’t do it. If you do do it, jerk chicken is imperative.

  • adales8

    I can’t believe I missed all the Frankie shenanigans. I had a work thing that evening and am now absolutely gutted that I wasn’t there. And also I enjoy trying to imagine Katy’s reaction….. πŸ˜€ x

  • When I get drunk I also get really invested in talking to people trying to work and my husband is always having to tell me to let them do their thing and mind my own business!

    • Hahaha you sound fun. Intense, but fun πŸ˜‰

  • I’m not sure which of these ‘Mayfairy Life Lessons’ I sniggered at the most… there may have been snorting… there’s no one else in the room so it’s ok! Oh and Katie Brennan- with that kind of intro, I look forward to meeting you soon!

    • Watch out – you meet her and the night (and your sobriety) has a way of slipping away…

  • Shikha (whywasteannualleave)

    Ok, if this was 15 years ago, my parents would most definitely would not have let me hang out with you and your crew. And I most definitely would have wanted to πŸ˜€ But as for you, you are far too rock and roll for me!!

    • Hey, I’m not the problem. I was led astray. It’s not my fault, I tell ya! πŸ˜‰

  • Sure, blame the other girls – trouble is we know who it really was…

    • Hey, have you met Katie Brennan or Felicity Bayley? Watertight excuse, right there.

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