Rants and Whimsy

The two most annoying blog comments

March 24, 2015

The Mayfairy Comments Bloggers Hate-18

Most of the time bloggers love comments on their blogs. They can’t get enough. They mean people are reading your blog, liking your blog and engaging with your heartfelt ramblings. But there are two kinds are hell-on-a-stick comments that are despised all the way to the very depths of hell. If the devil blogged (PitchforksAndEternalDoom.blogspot.com, if you’re wondering) he’d collapse in a fiery fit of spasmodic anger every time some self obsessed muppet left one of these pieces of internet gutter input on the bottom of his quirky little list blog “10 Things I’ve Shoved Up Hitler’s Arse This Week”.

No, I’m not talking about your usual spam; dodgy English, porn site links, fake designer goods, nonsense copy. No one likes those either, but we have effective spam filters to catch them and they’re just a common side effect of living on Internet Street that most people can deal with calmly. I’m talking about a more insidious kind of spam. Stuff like this:

1. The “I’m not really reading your blog, I’m just demanding you pay attention to me” comment.
Even when the blog you’ve written is the best cat post ever. It goes a little something like this:

  • Great post! Follow me on Bloglovin! bloglovin.com/rudeandobnoxious
  • Visit my blog theworldrevolvesaroundme-whyhaventyourealisedyet.com!
  • I like cats too! See all my makeup looks and pictures of my labia wearing 50 different shades of lipstick over on my blog LipstickAndVulvas.com I post twice a week and I’d really appreciate if you could join my emailing list, my Twitter and my Bloglovin and then just stalk me as often as possible so PRs see that I’m really popular and send me lots more yonic makeup!

This breed of comment doesn’t add anything to the conversation, it’s just blatant self promotion. It’s just bossy. Bitch, you’re gonna try tell me what to do on my own blog? Just all of the NO.

2. The copied and pasted platitudes
This one can be a little trickier, because it tries to look like a genuine comment and tries to fool you with flattery. It usually ends with just a casual blog link, but loads of genuine comments do that too!

  • Happy Monday! I’m so happy I stumble upon this blog it’s so inspirational! I just rang the Dalai Lama and we spoke about you for seven whole minutes because we’re so happy this blog is in the world! Lot’s of love, SneakyAndEgotistical.com
  • This is a truly wonderful post and I’m so happy I found it! Keep writing wonderful stuff like this. I’m over at FakeAndFoolingYou.com
  • I love following this blog, it’s really the highlight of my day every time you post. Maybe you could check me out too? TalkingOutOfMyBigOldBottom.com πŸ™‚ xxx

This is far more devious. It’s only discovered when you start to wonder because you see the same comment on another blog you’ve been reading. Or maybe your heckles are raised when you realise that it doesn’t actually mention anything you wrote in the blog, even though the post is about what your neighbour does with his weasel and there’s no way someone would read that and not have a very strong opinion on the underpants incident. So you Google the comment, then sit agape as every fucking blog in Christendom (and beyond) appears on the screen with the EXACT same comment.

Oh, so you comment on 300 blogs every night? You’ve found a great way to promote yourself without actually having to read anyone else’s icky content? You are a punk weasel frog and I’m reporting you for spam.

Which is worse? Number one doesn’t even try to pretend. It’s just straight up, out there terrible and I think usually posted by newbies and people who just have no idea. Maybe we could all have a quiet word with these folk and they would appreciate the good advice. Maybe not.

Number two just sucks the soul out of everything I love about blogging. It’s social media. The social part is important, folks. A big part of successfully being social is not being an obnoxious twat 300 times over every night.

This year I made a conscious decision to comment on more blogs I enjoy. I’ve always read a lot of blogs, just not commented very often. Then I realised how much I enjoyed comments on my own blog and decided to share the love. I often pass blogs over for commenting purposes if it doesn’t interest me or I can’t think of anything good to say. Some blogs don’t invite a lot of comment. I think that’s how it should be. Basically, blog commenting is not all about you. It’s about the blog you’re commenting on. Sometimes you may just read a blog and enjoy it for what it is and not get any promotion out of it for your blog whatsoever. And that’s o-frigging-k.

Rant over.

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  • Ha! This made me smile and had me nodding along, we’ve all seen those types of comments and thought “what the…” well I have anyway, sometimes people forget the people element of blogging and chase the stats without making the connections. And I love those fake (well I hope they’re fake) urls as they really help pin the message down. πŸ˜€

    • Hehe, thanks. The thing is, I don’t get how these people think that all these other bloggers won’t cotton onto what they’re doing!

  • Super post as usual! I’m always tempted to slightly amend the less obvious spammy comments in WordPress as it’s possible to edit them. Something like “HELLO – I DIDN’T READ THIS, BUT FOR SOME REASON I THINK IT IS GOOD FOR SEO IF I SPAM LOADS OF BLOGS WITH MY LINK”. Yeah, because comment spam is obviously still a good tactic….! I’m tempted to write a post about some of the outreach emails I get as this is another area of hilarity for me. xx

    • This is the best idea ever. We have to do this x
      (And please write those posts, outreach email posts crack me up every time!)

  • I feel the pain and salute you. Blogging is about community, reading and engaging with someone’s content. I personally am hard now if someone does the follow me and I will follow you: I mark as spam yes spam. I makes you feel better lucy x

    • I mark as spam too, but I’m really liking Hannah’s idea above!

  • adales8

    The first one really grinds my gears. But then I wonder if they are a general spammer for SEO purposes or just a baby blogger that doesn’t know any better. In which case I shall now be directing them to this post. x

    • They are usually just new bloggers, aren’t they? Ones that have never had it done to them, so they don’t quite get it πŸ˜‰

  • OMG this post was awesome. I really love everything you post. Pls follow????

    Love,
    followmepleeeaaassseeeIwon’tgoawayuntilyoudoclickonmeclickonmeclickonmeeeee.blogspot.com

  • I like cats too, follow my blog LipstickandVulvas ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh my god that made my day. I think this actually made my whole week, I am ready for whatever now. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
    Now, about the comments. I sometimes get comment no 1 as well, but I try not to be mean to them, I would really love if they could at least formulate politely. “If you have the time, I would love for you to check out my blog” at least something like that, because reading “check out my blog” or “follow my blog” or “Subscribe to my YouTube” (this one I get on twitter a lot) makes me feel like they are bossing me around, just like you said.
    And then I realised that sometimes I write stupid simple compliments on other blogs, because I like to comment on my commenters blogs. But I don’t leave my link or anything promotional since I am just trying to be nice and return the favour πŸ˜€

    That being said, go follow my blog, I’ll probably never talk to you again, but hey, you have to do it now that I left this comment.

    • The polite thing is key. And yes this kind of behaviour is annoying on Twitter too, but I’ve already blogged about that! πŸ˜€ I think it’s ok just to write a simple comment when you know the person, it’s almost just like checking in on their blog, as a “hey I’m reading :)” but it’s totally different when folks just come outta nowhere with “Great Post! Follow Meeeeeee!” xx

      • Exactly, sometimes you have no idea what to say, but you want to let them know that you are there, stalking and judging silently

  • TalkingOutOfMyBigOldBottom.com Hahahaha!

    I hate the “Nice blog! Check out mine!” type comments. And people who like posts within seconds of me posting them. There’s no way you’ve actually read it in that time, and no I’m not going to give you page views for it! Grrr!

    • I’ve liked stuff as soon as it came up if it was a nail art post and I’ve read the person’s blog before. Mainly on account of the pretty photo. But I never comment if I haven’t read it!

      • Ahh, yeah if I did posts like that I’d probably be more lenient. I was talking more about posts that are only text.

  • Happy to read a frog weasel post any day of the week!! xxx

  • @Bitch, you’re gonna try tell me what to do on my own blog?OMG, I’m dyinggggggggggg! HA!!! I’m sick today so I’m coughing non stop… If I kill over and die because laughing interferes with that stupid shit called oxygen that needs to pass through my air ways, I’m coming back to haunt you. Ha, freaking “punk weasel frog.” I totally understand how you feel though. I HATE when I see links to another blog in my comments section. I delete ANYTHING that remotely looks fake and if I can’t muster up somethings stronger than “great post” I try not to comment. Hilarious as always, thanks for sharing πŸ™‚

    • Thank you. Maybe I should put a health warning on the blog! πŸ˜‰
      Hope you’re feeling better soon x

      • Hehe πŸ™‚ Thanks!

  • Amen Mayfairy!! Now go and follow MY blog plus ALL of my social medias including the one I’m on purely because it’s the only one my mother can understand… I’ve followed you so you have no choice but to follow me. Please don’t expect me to interact with you on Twitter like ever. Yours not sincerely, the girl who puts the same comment on everything. P.s. I won’t even notice next time you post about cats.

    • Trust me, I’m totally stalking you on the net πŸ˜‰ x

  • Haha, so true! That 2nd one with the fakey fakey nice comments took me a while to realise – I was getting a few “This is a great post – I’m so happy I found it” messages before I clocked and now they go straight into the spam folder!There’s nothing more annoying than seeing the happy little alert that someone has commented – only to find no-one who cares the teeniest little bit actually has!

    • Yes! It’s the emotional roller coaster they put you through. Ugh. And you feel so USED when you figure out the ruse.

  • Oh my god this is so awesome, please follow me πŸ™‚ (I couldn’t resist) x

    • Ok. As long as you’ve requested in comment form, I guess I have to πŸ˜‰

  • sheloveslondon

    Had a great one the other day, it started really genuinely and was on topic, responding to the post, then slowly degenerated into a link to their own shop or blog or website. Which I edited out.

    When will people learn there is no stealth way to put a link to your own blog into a comment without it looking like a plug?! I blame the beauty / lifestyle bloggers living on freebies.

    • Some people accept links at the bottom, some don’t. I’ve genuinely found it useful at times, especially if the comment isn’t from someone I know well and I’m not sure which blog they are from! Of course, it all boils down to how great the comment is πŸ˜€

  • Pretty much the type of spam comments I always have to delete / un- approve off my page πŸ˜€ I mean why are you on my page just to tell me HI, VISIT MY PAGE? ! A bit of originality is appreciated πŸ˜› hehe

    Serene xoxo

    http://www.imserenel.wordpress.com

    • Yes, why would I visit your blog when you’re just sooooooo boring?! Think about it, stupid spammers!

  • PREACH SISTER!

    P.S the post where you ate on your own by accident? RIGHT WELL I BLOODY LOVED THAT DIDN’T I?! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • Thank you. I am glad my misery and frustration entertains you so xx
      πŸ˜‰

  • Caz

    I’ve just come back from my weekly consultation with the Dalai Lama and he predicted me to find enlightenment and the way to my inner self when I come over to your blog and read today’s post.

    I had a spammer violating my blog for 6 months. She would comment on every post (sometimes less than 30mins after the post went live) and it was always the same structure. Love your [product/outfit/ect] plus blog link. She never contributed anything to the conversation, just came over to link dump on my blog. I never approved any of her comments and when I wrote an email to her, explaining politely that I’m changing my blog policy she got pissed and started insulting me. Luckily since then she never ‘turned up’ again.

    See, I’ve read your post. So now please come over and leave at least two comments and follow me on all my social media accounts ASAP ;)))) (Hope you’re well and we’ll speak soon) xxx

    Caz | Lunch Break Adventures

    • Whaaaaa? She got pissed at you? Nutter! That’s the point where anger would take over and I would publish her nasty email all over the place. Ugh.

  • WHAT? PitchforksAndEternalDoom.blogspot.com links to a “Blog not found” page. Now that’s disappointing – I was so hoping it really existed πŸ˜› I must be turning into one of those mad stalkers who try and call the phone numbers they hear mentioned in films to see if someone picks up at the other end. That’s still better than the standard “Hi, great post about prog rock albums, come and visit my One Direction blog and follow me” comment…right?

    • Haha, I know what you mean. Apparently the phone number on the business cards on the Vista Print commercials is wrong… Yes, I Googled. The directioners haven’t come for me yet. Should I be worried?

  • Jen

    Err so I’m quite new to blogging and very new to commenting. In fact, yours is one of very few blogs that I’ve commented on as yet. A horrifying and paranoid thought just occurred to me though – this isn’t a very elaborate and inventive way of letting me know that I’ve been doing it wrong so far, is it?!…I’m kidding of course, I don’t really think that (but should I?! Is it?! IS IT?!?! Gosh I really shouldn’t have had two coffees today…)

    • Hahaha, no. I’m quite safe in the assumption that none of the people that this is actually about will read this because they don’t actually read the blogs they comment on. This is the crux of the matter πŸ˜€

      And welcome to Planet Blog! x

      • Jen

        Phewwww that’s a relief. And thanks! πŸ™‚

  • I’m almost too scared to comment on this post! But I do totally agree – don’t comment unless you actually like/read the post right? I’m also not a fan of comments that simply stake something along the lines of ‘great photos’. It’s so generic.

    Happy blogging!
    Claire xx

    • Hehe, welcome to the comments section! I don’t mind simple comments as long as they’re genuine – ie, if I talk to the person on Twitter, if they comment often and it’s always different. If you get the same person who never talks to you otherwise just constantly saying “Nice post ” then it’s infuriating!

  • and i’ll tell you something else that really annoys me. When those people who feed you all flattering comments and then put a link to their blog. When you come to say something on their blog, they have a disclaimer saying that if you add a link that it will be classed as spam and will not be added to comments. I have one such person who does this all the time and they are going to be in for a big shock very soon, when i start moderating their comments and do the same to them lol. Great post and so true and no i won’t add my blog address because i am actually genuine.

    • Oooooh that’s so rude! I think some folks just test the waters with links and how much shite about themselves they can add in there. If they leave a genuine comment, but they then start going on about their latest posts that have nothing to do with anything I wrote I tend to edit that part out and leave the comment and a simple link. x

  • Gabrielle

    This was such an entertaining post to read through. I’m so glad that someone called out those people on their mischievous moves. The most frustrating are undoubtedly the latter, those that spam and under the umbrella of kindness. I don’t like seeing people get sucked in and take the time to leave lengthy, heartwarming responses back when those people were so nonchalant in the first place. Sigh. I’m just massively thankful for all of the lovely people in the blogging world who drown out the sounds of the spammers! πŸ™‚

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice

    x

    • I know! I sometimes feel like commenting myself and calling people out on their bullshit right there but then I try not to be a massive bitch. It’s a hard tight rope to walk. You’re right though, so many lovely people do make up for it.

  • OMG yor so funny on this blog! It SO my humour, we should be in a sitcom together!!!! Visit my blog and you’ll see, I swear down Hun!

    I’ve never loved you.

  • I just laughed so hard I spat s’more pop tart crumbs over my brand new laptop. Dare I search for ‘Lipstick and Vulvas’?

    • Do. It comes up with a bunch of articles suggesting that your perfect lipstick shade is the one that matches your vulva. Truth. Stranger that fiction.

  • Oh my gosh… I’m laughing so hard, I know exactly what you mean! There’s nothing worse than getting excited over a sweet comment, only to realize that it’s actually completely insincere. Blagh! On that note, your blog is charming (actually) and I’ve quite enjoyed reading. Keep it up!

    xx Nichole @ WhoGoesWear.com

    • I know! You feel all used and dirty! It’s hideous. Thanks for the nice comments πŸ™‚

  • This is so funny! I’ve seen the same kind of comments on Instagram too.

    • Thank you! Yeah, there’s a lot of nonsense on Instagram x

  • Great post!! So true!!

    • Unfortunately there’s no way to get the spammers to read it! πŸ˜€

  • Loads of people are at the second kind of non-committal commenting and it is so sneaky! I guess the seduction of more traffic is just too much for something like integrity to get in the way πŸ˜‰

    • Bah. It’s hardly a great advertisement – if you can’t think of something new and interesting to say why would I bother reading your blog?!