Rants and Whimsy

The Best PR Email Ever *Sarcasm*

July 6, 2015

Sometimes as a blogger you’re contacted by all manner of marketing/pr/business people. Sometimes these people are brilliant (you know who you are, lovely people). Other times, these people are a special kind of… agony. Yeah. These emails are emotional to read. So lets get emotional together. Coz I love you guys.

Dear Frankie

PR Email-01We have an amazing opportunity for you. It’s probably the best idea for a blog post that’s ever walked the face of the earth, and we’re only too happy to share it with you because the joy of participating in an opportunity like this will be major. (For you, I mean. We’re just doing this because the milk of human kindness is threatening to bubble over and explode, knocking our tits off if we don’t).

PR Email-02

We really love all your posts about song lyrics. They just make our day. You are probably the best interpreter of song lyrics on the internet. That’s why we’d love you to do a post about the best fun you’ve had with your arsehole.

PR Email-03

It can be a list post, maybe the top five amazing things you’ve done with your arsehole in the last 5 years, or even an aspirational post about the kinds of things you’d do on an ideal day of treating your arsehole to a good time. Just let your imagination go wild.

PR Email-04

Of course, you’ll want to include a mention (and a website link!) of what you’d like to to do with our Pizzazz Prostate Tickler! It’s the best on the market, and no arsehole exploring blog post would be complete without two or three lengthy paragraphs explaining how great it is. Don’t worry about the fact you’ve never actually used one, you can just buy one from our online store if you’re really hung up on stuff like that.

PR Email-05

We’re so excited to participate in the conversation once the post is up. We’ll even be sharing some of the best blogs on our social media channels, and we’re sure that yours will be one of them. Send us through a link to your post when it’s live, we are definitely looking forward to reading it.

PR Email-06

This is most definitely not an insult to you, your blog, and every single piece of moral fibre in the universe. We just noticed that you’re hosting a free advertising platform over here and we feel it’s our right to take advantage of that, even though you’ve never heard of our company, used our product, or have any obvious link between what we do and what you blog about. Work for free, dammit. We command you.

Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a lot of other bloggers to email. Don’t worry, we won’t be offering any of them any proper incentive to write about us either, but we expect they’ll all do it because this is a fabulous opportunity for us to cut our advertising budget to Β£0 and still receive massive coverage. How could you resist?

Kind regards

The Somewhat Sinister PR Agency

 

Yes, this is based on emails I’ve actually gotten. Some details have been changed and arseholes added, not to protect the innocent, but to amplify the lolz. All about those lolz. Hyperbole rules. It’s probably the best thing ever.

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  • This is so reminiscent of, like, 90% of the PR e-mails I receive.

    • Everyone wants us to write about arseholes. What’s with that?! πŸ˜‚

  • So funny…I also genuinely can’t understand why people are surprised when bloggers actually want compensation for work. Some posts can take up to 8 hours in totally with photos, research, writing and social media.

    • These people who send “blog ideas” like we can’t see through to their ulterior motives. Why would I write about your company, who I’ve never had any dealings with, and have no opinion on, for no reason?! Why?!

  • LOLZ. ALL THE LOLZ. MANY MANY LOLZ.

    I get so many emails like this. Thank the heavens for Canned Responses eh! xx

    Little Miss Katy | UK Lifestyle Blog

    • It’s amazing that they don’t click when NO ONE writes their freebie blog post….

  • adales8

    I got this email too. We must be on some sort of weird arsehole list πŸ˜‰

  • Ha ha… I’m amazed they remembered your name instead of “hey! I really like your blog! Now please write about our crap!”

  • What about a fun party on a boat, that’s not actually on a boat?!?!?! LOLZ!!! Based on my emails I think I’d be a perfect PR!!!hahaha!! Totally with you on this, I got a PR email asking me to take my Granny out for a fun day out, about a week after I’d written a post saying she’d just died. . . . ugh!

    Rosie xx

    • Haha, any kind of party that actually exists is fine in my book! And that is some terrible terrible terrible timing from the PR. Did you send them a link to your post?

  • Gotta love emails like this – them and the Viagra spam…

    • Maybe we could integrate the two. Anytime someone sends the above, we send back a viagra ad and purchase link. We may even make a few bob…

  • Shikha (whywasteannualleave)

    Your point is totally spot on as it seems many of us can relate to but these illustrations with their accompanying captions are absolute genius!!

    • Thanks Shikha! Bit of a rush job (always is with me!) πŸ˜‰

  • Even though I don’t have a prostate, reading the words “Pizzazz Prostate Tickler” did bring a lot of joy to my life.

    • Maybe you’d like to blog about it? 500 gushing words on the internet by midday. Appease the corporate masters XD

  • I think the palm in face picture says it all but don’t worry, I still read every word. Lols all round! But hey at least they got your name in there… I got an email addressed to the Emma once… even though it’s fairly obviously from my email and blog what my BLOODY NAME IS!

    • Now that is classy. Did “Emma” politely tell them to duck off? πŸ˜€

  • OMG πŸ™‚ Def increased the LOLz lol πŸ™‚

  • I get a lot of these pointless emails from PR companies too! Sometimes they send you irrelevant content it’s so not personal!!!!!!!!! argh a bunch of arseholes LOOOL! <3

    Serene | I Am Serene L

    • Haha, I know the weird content is the worst. Does anyone actually publish that stuff?

      • Some do, no naming names πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜† Personally that’s a huge ball of cheese πŸ˜‚ x

  • bigworldsmallme

    I get emails like this pretty much everyday and it’s beyond ridiculous so I can’t even imagine how many shite ones you receive. You’ve written about it so well here Frankie! So so funny!

    • Oh, I definitely don’t get them every day. I’d probably lose my shit if that started happening. Maybe I just have a really good spam filter that protects me.

  • NAIL HAS BEEN HIT ON THE HEAD.
    BRAVA LADY.

    ps) gave me all the lulz

  • I really feel your pain I wish there was a way of getting rid of them. But where one is a thousand others follow so frustrating and annoying. Drives me up the wall. Would they work for free? Hmm Lucy x

    • How do people feel this is a good idea? How do you even get to that place, that’s what I want to know!

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