Rants and Whimsy

The 5 things I hate about your blog that I’m too afraid to tell you

November 18, 2015

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I’m a blogger. I blog. That’s what this is. A blog. As such, I also read a lot of blogs. We all know that some blogs are more enjoyable than others. Some are thoroughly enjoyable content wise, but it’s the little things that niggle so.

Of course, I don’t have the tits to tell you my problems with your blog to your face unless we’re really super, ultra close. Like, if I haven’t seen you naked I probably can’t tell you. It would be like punching your baby in the face. Repeatedly. Until it passes out. While we can all agree that some babies are immeasurably improved and much nicer to be around after a good knock out blow, parents don’t usually thank you for your well intentioned intervention. So I’ll just blog this shit and leave you to your own child rearing devices.

Annoying Shizz 1: Not making your links open in new windows or tabs

You write stuff. You link to other stuff. I excitedly click this link and read the stuff that’s in the link you linked to. When I’m done with that and I’ve thoroughly explored this rabbit hole of eyebrow shaping and somehow ended up in a warren of political armpit hair rants, I want to head back to your blog. I close that window, oh WHAT IN THE DUCK?! Hello desktop, I didn’t expect to see you again so soon. Now I’m going to have to find my way back to your blog and the part I was reading all on my lonesome. You’re costing me 30 seconds here. A lot could happen in 30 seconds. I could decide to head to ASOS and buy shoes instead. Now you’re just draining my bank account. All because you couldn’t see fit to let me open that link in a window. Boo!

 

Annoying Shizz 2: Your small, awkward typeface

I want to read your blog, not squint at it. I also don’t want to see your wacky serif, put that shit away right now. If your text is all small and weird and I have to tell my browser to enlarge it you’re just reminding me that I’m getting old. What happens when you get old? You get gradually blinder. Thank you for reminding me of impending death, kind blogger. I just wanted to read about afternoon tea, but I guess I’ll go and get measured up for a coffin instead. Sob.

 

Annoying Shizz 3: Not having a search button

Like three months ago you wrote that really cool muffin recipe. Or that think piece about donkeys. Or that funny anecdote about the condom full of jelly. Whatever. Basically, I’ve now finally got my shit together and I’m ready to make those muffinsย  / show my donkey friends your in depth opinions / roll around on the floor reading your anecdote again as a way to procrastinate doing any real work. Except I can’t. Who wants to wade through eleven weeks worth of not-jelly-condoms looking for gold? Not me. Kills me every time.

 

Annoying Shizz 4: Complicated commenting

Ooooh I need to tell you my thoughts on that lipstick. Oh, but you only accept comments if I log into this random account? Ok. Then I need to captcha these 17 random literary sentences? Fine. Then you need to know my mother’s maiden name and my cats preference in processed meat products? Sure. Now you’re putting me in moderation? I can deal with that. Wait, your automated spam filter is now calling me a dirty spamming whore because I dared call myself “Frankie @themayfairy”? Not even a link, you understand, just the name so you would know where the hell I was coming from and we wouldn’t have to live as internet strangers for the rest of our lives. Whaaaaaaa? This wouldn’t sting so much if there weren’t several comments littering your blog clearly from spammy escort agencies. Why won’t you let me talk to you? You were sooooooo cool up until this point ๐Ÿ™

 

Annoying Shizz 5: Too many photos of the same thing

Your left tit looks great. Yes, it still looks great when viewed from that slightly different angle. Yup, there it goes again, still looking great. Exactly how many of these do I need to scroll through? I know you’re proud of these shots, you should be, but one really would have sufficed.

FYI, I totally do this. I’m basically bitching at myself here. Thanks for tuning into another wonderful episode of “Crazy bitch on the internet talks to herself for the improbable amusement of others”. I’ll be back in two days time with more nuttery.

 

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  • Are you sure you don’t live I’m my head (ps you have carte blanche to warn me about blog – related niggles on my corner of t’internet. Clothing choice is yours, k?)

    • Haha, thanks. I’ll keep that in mind XD

  • When I need the baby to sleep I know who to call, your good self. You could start a business, the mayfairy who makes your child sleep: one blow at a time.

    Great tips on how to not get on your tits. Blogger at the moment is causing chaos, alt tags not staying in pics and opening up links in new rah also not working.

    Bring me WordPress Lucy x

    • Yes, I’m sure it’s a great business! I get really annoyed with stuff on my blog too that I can’t figure out how to change ๐Ÿ˜ก

  • Did you write this about me? I feel like you did. Why are you always talking about me? What else have you been saying? Don’t you like me? You don’t like me? Fine I’ll change my type face, you didn’t need to call me out on it, did you? You did? Fine. All fine.

    I’m going to take my multiple tit photos down now.

  • Yup I agree with all of these! Especially the small type face thing, Im already wearing my contact lenses but I have to put my face right up to the computer. No.1 really annoys me but I’m guilty of it myself and I can’t work out how to change it!!
    Lots of love,
    Angie
    SilverSpoon London

    • You’ll be wanting target=”_blank” ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I’m so guilty of #5. SO GUILTY. Also the small font thing – I hear ya, that is SO annoying!

    Lauren xx | The Lifestyle Diaries

    • Haha there are people so much worse at number 5 than you!

  • Brilliant article – and really helpful to those of us just starting out. Thankfully I think I already abided by most of them, but have now added a “search” button to my site. So thank you for having the guts to actually write this – much appreciated and lessons learned.

    Rebecca
    thepurleygirly.com

  • LOL! loved this post and can completely relate to all of them. Although kinda worried now about what you might think of my blog lol.

    Damzel In This Dress

    • Just stalked your blog, love it. No blog judgement here XD

  • The complicated commenting thing can be hard to figure out – on some blogs you have to provide all sorts of details like your email address and website but the only way to actually make a comment is then to remove all those details – must be some sort of technical glitch?

    Suze | LuxuryColumnist

    • Well that’s just enough to send me into a rage XD

  • The commenting one is annoying as F. I’d also like to add – pictures that don’t show up on my browser, or are misaligned, or are alighned differently. It plays havoc with my OCD tendencies. Havoc.

  • I panicked and double checked my blog. I think I’m alright and won’t have my blogger baby punched in the face ๐Ÿ™‚ These are all very good tips!

    http://www.captaincharley.net

    • I would never hurt your blogger baby XD x

  • I agree with everything here! I would also add blogs where there’s a a box that pops up asking you to subscribe/like them on facebook over the top of the content when you’re trying to read the post. I’ve got no problem with having a sidebar link or something, there’s just no need to be so intrusive about it!

    • Yes, pop ups can just bugger off all together. They just say to me “I”m annoying” and I don’t want to follow the Facebook page of the annoying people…

  • adales8

    I might be guilty… cough cough, blog doesn’t open new tabs, cough cough ๐Ÿ˜‰ xx

  • aladyinlondon

    Those are good ones! I particularly agree with complicated commenting systems. They pretty much guarantee that I don’t leave comments!

    • YES! It’s only yourself you’re hurting by doing it. When will people learn?! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • This, yet again, is so true in all counts! Errtime I see the term “CAPTCHA” I want to break my screen and pull my hair. I am no robot!

    Honey x The Girl Next Shore

    • I know right! I wish I was a robot. Stop shoving that in my face ๐Ÿ˜‰ haha x

  • Shikha (whywasteannualleave)

    Apologies to anyone whose blog this applies to and I know it does but if I still love the blog enough, I’ll still comment but seriously, why do I have to select the 5 photos of pasta before my comment will be approved?! Either let me write it to publish straight away or moderate it but don’t make me scroll through a hundred photos that look nothing like pasta anyway?!? I feel bloated just looking at that much pasta ๐Ÿ˜€

    • YESS! I so agree! And then I get really scared and paranoid that I can’t follow directions correctly and I might actually be a spamming robot, even though I know I’m not!

  • I definitely feel like I need to make my font bigger now. I feel like you’re judging me. Someone the other day said that opening everything in new tabs is annoying, I mean I get it, but I need it. I need to know where I’ve backtracked to and how to get back.
    Also, not having the read more tab removes my scrolling past multiple photos of left tits, sort it people x

    • Yes yes yes. And the person that said that to you doesn’t internet enough!

  • So totally true! New windows for links please people new windows!!!

    • I’m really anal about having to read EVERYTHING and this is the only way forward XD

  • Ooh! A jelly filled condom! Where can we get some of these??

    • It’s probably a good DIY blog post idea XD

  • bigworldsmallme

    So good, so true! Love this…as always x

  • Gabrielle

    Oh wow, I was sat here nodding in agreement until I realised I’ve never set up my links to open in new windows! It’s also one of my pet hates and so the fact I haven’t done so up until now is genuinely driving me mad. Mad enough to reset my blog’s font to the smallest possible setting….

    Anyway, seriously THANK YOU Frankie for this post, I’ve seen the light! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice
    x

    • I’m so happy I could be of assistance xx

  • danniellek

    yup yup yup. The captcha, WHY CAPTCHA?! It’s like they see me, judge me, and say, no, don’t leave me a comment, I don’t wanna be friends with you.

  • Thank you for being the only person to ever speak out against super small typeface! Urghhhhh. I have to turn on the browser magnifying glass thingy whenever this happens… and worse, it seems to be trendy and everyone is trying to do it.
    I love the way you wrote this, by the way. Very funny :))

    • WHO ARE THESE EAGLE EYED FREAKS WHO DO THIS?!

  • Those complicated commenting setups, so frustrating!

    • YES! Why won’t you let me talk to you? Why XD

  • Those complicated commenting systems, so frustrating!

  • Alllll of these things!!! Have you thought of becoming a blog consultant? I’d pay you good money for your services in critiquing my blog, right after you’d cleaned up my phone for me!

    Polly xx

    • Haha, I kind of am. But for small companies who want to know more about it rather than individual bloggers …

  • I’m at my desk giggling to myself at ALL of this! So so true, especially the tabs and photos!

    C x | Lux Life

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