Rants and Whimsy

My thoughts on Facebook Privacy

January 20, 2014

Hi all. I’m going to post a whole heap of photos to the internet. Then I’m going to freak out when I realise they’re on the internet. It’s going to sound something like “BWAAAAAAA PRIVACY OMIGOD THERE ARE STRANGERS OUT THERE WHO ARE SOOOOO INTERESTED IN ME”. Then I’m going to blame Facebook. PRIVACY SETTINGS CHANGING I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ZOMG!11!!!

But don’t worry, I have a plan. I’m going to ask all of my Facebook connections to perform a complicated range of steps in order to protect the stuff I posted on the internet from being seen on the internet. It’s going to be long winded and pointless, and probably won’t enhance the privacy of my photos, rather it’ll hinder the people I actually want to see my photos from seeing my photos (and comments and likes and statuses).

There’ll be threats, too. I’ll force everyone who actually follows my 10 point privacy plan to comment and like my status and post a pic of themselves doing a handstand with a cream bun in their mouth to prove they did it. And everyone who refuses to cave to my demands will be cut from my friends list. You won’t see me ever again. I won’t make eye contact in the street. Hell, if I see your cat I will refuse to pat it on principle. Don’t even ask what I’ll say to your parrot.

Of course, I won’t actually follow through. God knows this status is long enough and the only people game enough to read all the way down are the people who really are my best friends (and will then be isolated from me if they follow my ridiculous privacy advice) and the people who are bored and/or boring. That leaves everyone else on my friends list who is either living a wildly amazing and inspirational life that I like to pine after from afar, or those who are currently serving as a spectacular warning of ‘what not to do’. I’m obviously not going to delete you all and miss out on all the fun, so sit back and enjoy my sporadic rage of crazy while it lasts. It’s gonna be great, peeps. Cream buns at the ready.

You Might Also Like