It has come to my attention that not everyone feels the way I do about squirrels. Not everyone appreciates how freaking fabulous they are. Usually these people have grown up surrounded by squirrels and as such take them for granted. I grew up on a continent bereft of quality squirrel frolicking (or any kind of squirrel frolicking) so I’m hella excited every time I enter a Royal Park, stroll down leafy walkway, or even pass an overflowing rubbish bin. Squirrels are everywhere and we should rejoice! Not convinced? Well, I’ve compiled this handy list of five things that are sure to make you think differently. If not, I don’t think this is the blog for you…
1. Squirrels are seriously badass
If you are a rattlesnake, then a squirrel probably looks like quite the tasty treat. Unsurprisingly, squirrels aren’t best pleased with this situation. So what do they do to prevent themselves becoming a snake snack? They feast upon the skin of their enemies. Yup. You heard that right. Californian ground squirrels eat, rub themselves with and even bathe in discarded snake skin. This gives them a nice reptilian musk, allowing them to evade old Slithery McBlind. Not sure if this means they attract a few lonely snakes looking for friends…
2. No really, they are badass
Not content with bamboozling snakes just by smelling like them, squirrels also like to partake in a bit of tail chicanery. Apparently, the squirrel tail can act as a bit of a one bar heater. When faced with snake based hijinks, our squirrel friend can heat his bushy appendage up, make it all huge and impressive and then shake it like a squirrel on drugs at a rave party. What good does this do? Mr Snake, as we’ve previously discussed, can see sod all, but he can sense heat, and now Mr Squirrel seems huge and menacing and definitely NOT bite sized. Go #TeamSquirrel!
3. Robot squirrels
Squirrels were having so much fun messing with snakes that scientists decided to get in on the action. They built a robot squirrel so they too could confuddle the hell out of rattle snakes. Nobody likes rattle snakes. Just watch this video:
I’m pretty sure RoboSquirrel needs a full length, crime fighting, feature film.
4. The Japanese Dwarf Flying Squirrel
If you have any doubts left about the mastery of the squirrel kingdom they are about to be quashed. The fact that this exists will make every one of your days better. I’m not going to post a pic here because you haven’t had time to prepare yourself and it would be unfair to have you sitting on a bus crying and squealing like a small child with an oversized lollipop. I’ll let you find a spot that lends itself well to squealing and you can Google Image it – thank me later.
5. They can pole dance
Want a fun fact about British squirrels? Well, the biggest complaint I hear about squirrels is that they eat from bird feeders. They don’t fully comprehend that you are only trying to feed the songbirds and not the furry little climbing rodents. They probably wouldn’t care even if they could comprehend it. People try to use all kinds of heavy duty bird feeders to keep the squirrels out. This is the wrong tactic. If you simply position your bird feeder far enough away from any leaping platform, so that it can’t be got at from above, then you need only place it atop a greasy pole. Squirrels will spend many happy and entertaining hours trying to climb the greasy pole, only to slide all the way back down again when they almost reach the top. It’s brilliant. Far more interesting than simply feeding the birds. Try it, I insist. Hilarity awaits you.