Bad song lyrics, Rants and Whimsy

Bad Song Lyrics: As Long As You Love Me

February 26, 2015

It’s been a while since I did one of these, so I’m pulling an S Club 7 and bringing it all back to you. But it’s not actually S Club 7 this time, it’s The Backstreet Boys. Did I just make this confusing? This is the once somewhat regular segment where The Mayfairy pulls a song from your past, something you probably grew up screaming out the lyrics to in your bedroom with a juice box at your side, and takes it far too seriously. Today I rag on the Backstreet Boys. Quite frankly, they had it coming.

 As long as you love me

Sorry, I was eating a sandwich. What?

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I’m leavin’ my life in your hands
People say I’m crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance

Wow. As always, that got deep quickly. Your life in my hands? Does it really need to come to that? Over a glance? Has it occurred to you that if multiple people in your life are suggesting that your current behaviour is both crazy and without foresight, it may be worth considering their views? Just throwing that out there. These people probably care about you. From what we’ve gathered thus far, I’ve merely glanced at you.

And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can’t get you out of my head
Don’t care what is written in your history
As long as you’re here with me

You don’t care about my history as long as my present location is within close proximity to you, huh? What if I hunt and kill men who casually glance at me and collect their scalps? What about that for history? Have you considered all the possibilities and ramifications of this rather lax attitude?

I don’t care who you are
Where you’re from
What you did
As long as you love me

So… you know I did something.

Who you are
Where you’re from
Don’t care what you did
As long as you love me

Look, as noble as I’m sure your intentions are, they’re bollocks. People who know and care about you have warned you of the madness of this situation, yet still you persist with your delusional fantasies. Why? If Dr Phil has taught us one thing, it’s that past behaviour is the best indication of future behaviour. I’m just suggesting that sometimes “what you did” can come back to haunt a person, even if they’re really pretty.

As for where I’m from, for all you know I’m fresh off the boat from the deepest, darkest middle of nowhere and our tribal religion requires the ritual slaughter of boyband members so that we can harvest their organs for the sacred feasting on Wednesdays  (with a side order of garlic bread). What you consider to be a glance of lust/love could easily have been hunger. It’s too late to consider this once I’m feasting on your spleen is all I’m saying.

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it’s deep within me
Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run
It seems like we’re meant to be

Ah, so now even you suspect that I’m on the run. But it will be ok because love will save the day. If you could please just explain this magical love to the FBI / Police / Mafia / Person whose garden tools I borrowed 5 years ago and never returned and is now seeking bloody vengeance I’m sure they’ll understand and drop the whole thing. Or you could be Larry from OITNB… your call.

I don’t care who you are (who you are)
Where you’re from (where you’re from)
What you did
As long as you love me (I don’t know)
Who you are (who you are)
Where you’re from (where you’re from)
Don’t care what you did
As long as you love me (yeah)

You can keep repeating it all you want, I still think you’re smoking the crack.

I’ve tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you’re comin from
I don’t care, as long as you love me, baby

Organ harvesting.
Puppy kicking.
Croc wearing.
Kitten stealing.
Posting spider photos to social media.
Tea cosy wearing.
Yelling at strangers to “move down the carriage” on the train every morning
Eating Kit Kats without snapping them apart first.
Genocide.
Advocating for spray on cheese.
Setting up a meth lab in your mother’s kitchen before recruiting her as a drug mule.

Seriously. None of these things would bother you? Because of the pretty, pretty glance?

You plonker.

I don’t care who you are (who you are)
Where you’re from (where you’re from)
What you did
As long as you love me (as long as you love me)
Who you are (who you are)
Where you’re from (where you’re from)
Don’t care what you did (yeah)
As long as you love me (as long as you love me)
Who you are (who you are)
Where you’re from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are (who you are)
Where you’re from (where you’re from)
As long as you love me
Who you are
As long as you love me
What you did (I don’t care)
As long as you love me

I don’t love you.

Maybe I should have just explained this at the start and saved us both a lot of trouble…

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