Rants and Whimsy

5 Skills you didn’t realise you’d need as a blogger

December 18, 2014

When we all started our blogs we probably knew there would be a bit of hard work involved. We were prepared to embark on a journey that would hone our writing, photography and probably even our social skills. We knew we’d have to devote large chunks of time to our craft. This was a given. What we didn’t realise was that there are at least five hidden talents you need to be a successful blogger. Today I shall lift the lid on the five skills you didn’t realise you needed in order to get people to read your nonsense on the internet.


1. Drunk photography
You’ve been learning about photography. You’ve been playing with your shutterspeed, and adjusting your white balance in your photo editing software of choice after the fact. You’re beginning to feel a little more confident in yourself as you strut majestically from your house into the morning with a DSLR slung around your neck. Well, that’s nice but it’s likely to all go to hell once you’re three wines in to the evening. At some blogging events that can mean you’re still munching appetizers. You don’t just need to learn how to photograph things, you need to learn how to photograph things after you’ve enjoyed a few too many alcoholic bevvies. Don’t let the above monstrosity happen to you.

2. Diplomacy
Oh, my site could be so much better if I pay you to redesign it? Really, my SEO attemps just aren’t helping at all? I’d be well advised to rethink my photography if I want to stand out from the crowd? Deep down, I know these critiques probably hold a lot of water. So I try to smile sweetly (not at all effective) and mumble something like, “thanks, I’ll keep you in mind, but right now I’m more of a hobby blogger,” to this irritating sales cretin, fighting the urge inside to fling my arms out and scream, “stop shitting on my baby, you cockwombled twat flap!” Then I spend the next 48 hours reading everything ever written about blogging on the internet, determined to prove this flappy turd wrong.

3. Persuasion
I know it’s been twelve hours since you last ate, you’re paying for this meal and you don’t even have a blog, but we can just spend ten minutes setting up this perfect shot and waiting for the sun to come out from behind that cloud. It will be worth it in the end, trust me. Really, you either need to be really, really good at persuading your friends that the delicious food in front of them will be even more delicious in ten minutes time, or really, really quick at taking stunning photographs. Make friends with your aperture setting NOW or all your yummy photographs will contain a blurry fork and half a plate of pasta. In turn they will try to convince you that this a good look. They are wrong.

4. Ingenuity
Dining out, going places, blogging and photography equipment is expensive. Sometimes you need to get creative. Need a reflector? Just cover that board in tin foil. Can’t afford Photoshop? Just use PicMonkey. Just discovered that all those photos you took on the day trip are corrupt and it’s going to take hours of professional help to get them off your memory card? Good thing it’s 2am and the neighbour’s cat has shown up and decided to sing you the song of his people. You’ll write a hilarious post about that instead. Sometimes the best blogging decisions are all about ingenuity in the face of adversity.

5. Looking good
This one isn’t just for fashion or beauty bloggers. It’s not just about looking good when you plan to photograph yourself for your blog. You are constantly putting yourself into situations where you are surrounded by something like 30 people, each armed with a camera and the sole intent to put the fruits of their labour onto the internet to be viewed by as many people as possible. Unbrushed, unkempt, funny faced. You’ll find those pics of yourself out there in public and that’s just a special moment of anguish. Ugh.

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