I tend to worry a lot. Constantly. I wake up worrying. I listen to podcasts that tell me worrying things. I have an overactive imagination that helps out when my podcast regime is overwhelmingly positive.
This could be bad for me, I’ll admit. It could be shortening my time on the planet and stressing out my good health and well-being vibes. But I can’t help it. In some ways I think it’s helping to prepare me for the inevitable shit-storm that I know is probably just around every corner. So, here’s a list of 20 random things I’ve woken up worrying about this morning. Enjoy.
1. Am I eating enough vegetables? Because I’m not sure I am, but I don’t really think it’s possible for me to eat much more and it’s unthinkable that I’d cut down on my chocolate consumption.
2. The sun is trying to fuck us.
3. Pâtisseries. How do they stay in business? There’s always so much in the window, at all times of the day and they can’t possibly sell all of it. What about the cakes that never got bought and thereby never got to fulfill their cakey dreams? Are they just lying in the dumpster? Are we hurtling towards a world with no pâtisseries because all these cakes are in the dumpster feeling unfulfilled?
4. Not being able to draw my eyeliner to match with the gradual droop of my eye as I age.
5. Being unable to go on the London Eye because I’m afraid I’d need to pee halfway through. I travel for longer periods underground on the tube everyday, and I never have to pee, but put me on the London Eye and I’m sure I would have to pee.
6. Cats being chased by foxes. Cats have a lot more to worry about in England than in New Zealand, and I’ve taken it upon myself to do some of this worrying on their behalf.
7. Branches falling off trees and smacking me in the head. I’m often in Hampstead, and I’m sure at least a couple of the trees I walk past often have it in for me.
8. Falling from great heights. Lots of animated feature films (including the ones my husband wants to watch) have scenes with people swinging around from great heights and almost falling. My nerves can’t take it.
9. Being impaled. Possibly after falling from a great height. Though even while I’m walking next to those black railings along the roads in London I worry I’ll misstep, stumble, fall into one and gouge an eye out.
10. The Heimlich maneuver. Ever since I read about how Tennessee Williams died I worry about choking to death, or witnessing someone choking to death. To combat this I often Google the Heimlich maneuver to ensure I have a handle on how it works, but as it’s not something you can practise I worry I’ll mess it up.
11. Sometimes I read the comments. Sometimes on The Daily Mail. Then I worry.
12. I worry about not having enough battery on my iPhone / eReader / iPod. I charge these items constantly, and then I read that overcharging these things can be bad for them and I worry that I’m costing myself a lot of unnecessary money in replacement items. This also leads to worrying about power surges.
13. Losing things or carelessly leaving items behind upsets me, and I worry that one day I’ll do it with something important. I lost a belt once in a second hand store, and I’ve never been able to forgive myself.
14. The nail on my second toe on my right foot. It’s out to get me, and it will be painful.
15. Forgetting things I already know (grammar stuff, capital cities etc) but forever knowing the worlds to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls.
16. Never being about to truly relax and be stable because I can’t afford a house.
17. Guilt. For gossiping. For stuff I did as a teenager. For stuff I said that may have offended or hurt a friend. For stupid mistakes from yesteryear. For not liking a restaurant and writing an honest opinion online and thereby pissing all over something that someone probably worked really hard on.
18. I only ‘got’ one of my husband’s old cartoons the other day. It was drawn in the early 90s and there was more to it than I originally realised. What if it takes me this long to get other stuff? What else am I missing out on?
19. What if by the time I’m truly happy with my hair, my face gives up the ghost?
20. Am I using enough face cream? Maybe I don’t wash my face enough. Am I slowly turning into a warthog?